Erik and Retarded Computers Don't Mix
by phantomette of the opera
Summary: This is just a oneshot that is based on a real life incident that happened to me, except Erik is in my place. Is better than it sounds. My first fan fic, so be nice. Please R


A/N- Hey all. This is just a one shot that's based on something that really happened to me while I was working on a computer at school. After the incident was over, I wondered, what Erik would do if he was the one on the computer. So, now, without further ado, I give you my story.

Disclaimer- I don't own Phantom of the Opera or anything related to it and I don't own Green Day or the song American Idiot.

**Erik and Retarded Computers Don't Mix**

It was a completely normal day at school for me, well, that's an understatement. We were working on the yearbook and we were swamped with work and down to the wire with time. We, the yearbook committee, needed more help, so, I called in the infamous opera ghost, Erik. This is where our story begins.

"Good you're finally here. We are in dire need of help. I can't thank you enough for coming" I said to Erik.

He looked at me and asked, out of the blue "How did I get here?"

"You are here because I decided to stick you in a fan fic that I am writing."

"But I don't wanna be here" he whined.

"Well you are so deal with it."

"No!" He yelled at me. He was staring me down with a glare that could send the bravest person in the world into a corner crying.

I knew it was time to pull out the big guns now, "Don't make me sing the song".

"You wouldn't."

"I would"

"You can't"

"I can and I will"

He just looked at me with that deadly gaze of his, daring me with his eyes to sing, so I did.

"_No more talk of darkness, forget these wide eyed fears, I'm here nothing can harm you, my words_-"

"FINE!" He yelled at me, "I will be good and do what you want me to do as long as you never sing that song again."

"That's fine with me." I replied, "You can be a typist, you just need to type stuff up on the computer, it's easy."

I took him by the arm and led him over to one of the computers. I forgot that the computer I led him over to had the most glitches and the one that was widely known as 'the retarded computer'.

He sat down in the chair and looked at the computer that sat in front of him.

"What do I do?"

I pulled up the word processing program for him and showed him how to type and work the mouse. He quickly picked up the skill. I gave him a sheet of papers to type and left.

"If you have any problems, just yell for me."

"Okay"

"Bye"

"Bye"

I walked out to go take care of another so-called crisis in the other room.

((Switch to Third Person Point of View))

Erik looked at the papers and began to type. For the first ten minutes, he was fine. Then the problems started.

First, the computer screen froze. Erik then did everything Marcellina told him not to do to try to get the computer to start working again.

He clicked the mouse about a hundred times.

He banged on the key board.

He hit the monitor.

He stood up, picked the computer up, and actually shook it.

After many pointless attempts to get the computer to unfreeze, he gave up and collapsed back into his chair and stared at the screen. All of a sudden the cursor on the screen moved by its self. Erik just sat there watching it in utter amazement, frustration, confusion, and anger. The cursor went and exited out of the program by its self.

This got Erik very angry. He hit the monitor so hard that the screen went black. He jumped back away from the computer. If he didn't fix this, he knew Marcellina would kill him for breaking it. He hit the screen again and it turned back on.

The cursor was back to normal and working. He tried to re-open the word program, but he didn't know which icon it was, because some idiot screwed up the labels on the icons (this is true, someone got on the computer and wrecked all the labels so we have no idea what anything is now). So, he just randomly clicked one, hoping it would be right. He clicked the icon for the music library. Green Days "American Idiot" began to blast through the computer speakers at full volume.

"_Don't want to be and American Idiot, don't want a nation under the new media_…"

Erik jumped about three feet in the air and backed away from the computer. The song ended, and then it started up again.

Erik was desperate, he wanted the song that he thought sounded like garbage cans banging together to stop.

He walked over to the machine and hit it again. The song stopped. Erik stepped a little closer to it and touched it. Nothing happened, so he assumed it was safe.

He sat back down and clicked another icon. This was the right icon and the word program started up.

"Finally," he thought "this infernal machine works."

He began to type. When he finished, he went up to the file button to try to print, when he clicked it, nothing happened. He clicked again and again and again and again. Nothing happened.

Nothing

Nada

Zip

Erik sat and stared at the machine again. Out of no where, the file menu began to opened and closed and it wouldn't stop.

By this time Erik was past the point of frustration. He banged on the key board. The result of this, Green Day started up again, at full volume.

"_Don't want to be an American Idiot…_" blared from the computer.

"AAAAAGGGHHH!" He screamed in frustration.

He hit the closest object to the computer, which happened to be a fax/copy machine/printer/telephone thing. The thing sprang to life and sheets started to fly out of the printer and hit him in the face.

"SOMEONE TURN THIS DAMN MACHINE OFF!" He roared.

That did absolutely nothing except cause the voice activation thingy on the phone to turn on.

"SOMEONE GET THIS THING OUTTA HERE! SHIP IT TO SOMEWHERE VERY FAR AWAY, JAPAN WOULD BE NICE!"

The voice activated telephone thingy picked this up and well, it dialed some random number in Japan.

So, now, we have a printer spitting out sheets of paper, a computer blaring 'American Idiot', and a person from Japan on the phone trying to figure out what the person that called them wanted.

This was all too much for our opera ghost to handle.

"THAT'S IT, I'VE HADE ENOUGH OF THIS, I'M LEAVING!"

He threw one last kick at the computer, missed, roared in frustration, and ran out of the room, leaving the whole mess for Marcellina to deal with.

Meanwhile, across the hall, Marcellina heard a yell and a door slam. She walked out of the room just in time to see Erik running out the door screaming about infernal machines, and cursing everything he saw. She walked into the room Erik had left and saw the mess. She calmly walked over and did the one thing that Erik didn't think to do that immediately fixed the whole mess…

she pulled the plug.

A/N- Well, was it good, bad, hilarious, horrible, let me know by reviewing. This is my first fan fic, so cut me some slack. Constructive criticism is welcomed and any kind of feed back is wanted. No flames though, they don't do anyone any good. That's all for now people. Byes!


End file.
